everyone that knows me thinks i'm basically normal, but i'm actually kind of messed up.i have seriously disordered eating and am extremely depressed at times. in some subjects at school, i get a 96% average and i think i didn't do well enough, that i'm a failure. i also have highs and lows about my body: sometimes i think, "omg, i look okay in this" and sometimes i think "i'm such a fat fuck, i just want to die". some days it feels ok to eat normally, some days i binge and some days i starve. all i want is to feel beautiful and love myself, but i don't seem to be able to do that right now.